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"Meet the Quagmires" is the 18th and final episode of the fifth season of the animated comedy series Family Guy. It originally aired on Fox on May 20, 2007. The episode features Peter after he goes back in time to live the single life a little longer, before he meets future wife Lois.
On the day of the cook-off, Joe helps Quagmire with the competition as Cleveland assists Peter with it. The assigned secret ingredient for their dishes is butter. During a montage, Joe and Quagmire focus on cooking while Cleveland and Peter play around. Joe eventually destroys Quagmire's cooking supplies, sealing his defeat.
On Thanksgiving, Peter returns to his family and begs for forgiveness, which they accept. Quagmire shows up and asks for forgiveness as well, which Peter grants. Despite things returning to normal, Peter shoots himself in the tour bus out of regret for giving up fame while claiming to get his things.
At Peter's house the other three see the fake newspaper front page Peter bought after his laser-tag win; from this they suspect that Peter is an alien who has killed the rest of the world. Joe and Quagmire search for weapons while Brian spies on Peter, but by the time Joe and Quagmire return, Brian and Peter have bonded so that Brian warns ...
Peter agrees but insists they have a date first, through which Quagmire suffers. Back at Quagmire's house, Charmese insists they have sex and the men clumsily, reluctantly prepare. Just as they are about to have sex, Charmese calls off the charade, noting that they're clearly heterosexual but if Quagmire wants a divorce that badly, she'll grant ...
Peter asks Quagmire to tell him the joke, which he finds so funny that he involuntarily defecates in his pants, much to his embarrassment. Realizing this, Joe and Quagmire play a series of pranks on him, making him soil himself by repeating the punchline to him (even defecating in bed, infuriating Lois, after being told the joke in a dream ...
Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe are playing poker in Peter's basement when Lois, Donna, and Bonnie inform them that they have booked a couples-only vacation to the Bahamas, although Quagmire discovers that this leaves him out. To watch the kids, Lois arranges for her father Carter to stay at their home.
As Peter and the other guys are defending Quagmire, Ernie the Giant Chicken ambushes Peter and starts a fight that causes huge casualties inside and outside of Quahog. After the fight, Peter returns to the neighborhood to resume the conversation and tells the women that "Quagmire's a good guy, he's just a little mixed up, that's all!"